Foodie

There is a dangerously fine line between being a foodie, and being obsessed with food. A food enthusiast is often perpetually lost in culinary thoughts, dreaming of new flavors, studying new restaurants, all in an attempt to gain a better understanding of the food industry around them as well as to broaden their own palate. Being obsessed, however, looks a little different. Having experienced it myself, this is how I see it. There is a significant emphasis placed on the ingredients used, the portion size, and the exact measurements of every component on a plate. Now when I find myself asking these questions, I shift the focus from a nutritional, obsessive mindset to appreciating what the dish is about.

Initially my love for food came from a pure, unadulterated passion stemmed from living with a family of foodies, and growing up seeing food being associated with family, warmth and happiness. My eyes would light up tasting different flavors, enjoying a variety of textures in a dish, and simply just appreciating the food that was made by someone else. Unfortunately, my relationship with food changed to a point where I no longer appreciated that extra drizzle of olive oil used as a garish, I started to pick out those beautiful, caramelized nuts, and most tragically of all, I began to ask for dressing on the side, only for it to be neglected completely. To compensate for all of the delicious foods I was deliberately avoiding, I started to dive deep into learning about food. Feeding my mind was almost as satiating as feeding my stomach. Or that is what I led myself to believe, until very recently.

I would find myself constantly scrolling through Instagram, drooling over the hundreds of food photos that would populate my newsfeed, and constantly searching for a reprieve to satisfy myself. It would have simply been easier to finish my plate rather than undergo this mental anguish and ceaseless pursuit that seemed to have no end. “Liking” and “saving” hundreds of photos, commenting, “oh my god this looks amazing!!” a few dozen times, and forcing these photos upon every friend of mine if there was a lull in the conversation, became a habit. Would it have been easier to simply indulge to pacify these desires? Why yes, of course, however, silencing those thoughts often led to new thoughts of guilt and regret flooding in. It was a “lose lose” type of situation.

But, that isn’t how I see it anymore. Learning about the structure and composition of a dish, and understanding the purpose behind each component, made me realize how much I was missing out on. The olive oil used on the hummus, for example, was added for that extra richness, and creaminess. The sesame-ginger dressing I put on the side…made with sesame oil, honey for sweetness, toasted sesame seeds for crunch, filled with spice from raw, crushed garlic and fresh ginger, and vibrant from the subtle squeeze of lime…would have made the cold soba so much more enjoyable and satiating. There is so much thought and reason behind each ingredient, and how it is used, and rarely are those thoughts related to the nutritional value of the food - I can guarantee that. There is meaning behind everything that is used. Cooking is an art, it is a craft, and it is a skill that someone has worked incredibly hard to master. And here I was, ignorantly skipping out on parts of a dish, not because I didn’t enjoy the taste, but because I was too consumed in the calories, the fat content and the guilt that was sure to come after eating it. It started to feel disrespectful to whoever had made that dish, whether it be a chef at a restaurant, my mom, or even my best friend who would sometimes cook for us. I realize that now.

The only alternation or substitute I find myself asking in a dish now is purely out of taste preferences, not because of anything else. Luckily for me, and free of that diet mindset, I’m not a picky eater. That being said, I’m not particularly fond of salmon, egg yolk, or cream (my lactose intolerance is far too intolerant towards this form of dairy), nor do I eat beef for religious purposes. Everything else however, I enjoy and am open to trying. I look at trying new foods, new cuisines, new dishes as an enigma. I like to try to understand why something is used, how it plays a role in the dish, and how it enhances the dish in its own unique way. When I find myself focusing on the nutritional value too much, I ask myself how would the person who made this food, who took the time, the love, the patience to make this for me, feel knowing I was upset, and avoiding eating what they have made, purely because I thought it was too indulgent, too rich, too guilty to enjoy…That thinking has helped me to heal my relationship with food, and to go back to that genuine foodie I know I am.

Yes, my instagram newsfeed happens to be mostly food, and my conversations still revolve around where I’ll be eating next, but I’m no longer feeding a hungry, deprived mind. I simply just like food and what it represents, and the joy, comfort and bliss it brings me. Whether it be as simple as toast and butter (salted, of course), or as luxurious as fresh yellow-tail hamachi dressed in yuzu, a touch of soy and garnished with fish roe and citrus zest, food has, and will always be my solace.

A thank you to everyone and anyone who has cooked for me, who has educated me about food, ingredients, techniques, and who has endured my never-ending food-focused conversations…I wouldn’t have been able to learn to appreciate food again without you.

Speaking of, a few new restaurants are on my list, who’s free?