To SevenRooms, Chope, Quandoo, and OpenTable...

To SevenRooms, Chope, Quandoo, and OpenTable,

To preface this, I do sincerely apologise for the unwarranted traffic you must be seeing from my account with the plethora of new reservations being made, the countless modifications to existing bookings and if that wasn’t enough, the abrupt cancellations to compliment the above two activities. I wish I had more to defend myself with to justify all this. Hell, even I’m getting tired of slapping on the blame of COVID and the ever-lasting impact the pandemic has had on mental health, sanity and our overall perception of life and how to live it. As tiring, overused and passé it might sound to some, it is the truth: COVID-19 has had an irreversible impact on our psyche and way of life. Of course we'll be riding out the socio-economic impacts of the pandemic for decades to come, but along with that will be living with the increased anxiety, and heightened FOMO (fear of missing out) that came along with two years of adjusting to city-wide lockdowns and travel restrictions. Occasions such as as my 22nd and 23rd birthdays, my college graduation, my postponed college graduation, Diwali 2021, family weddings, job anniversaries, graduate school acceptance...I could go on. These are moments that have been missed, that have been cancelled abruptly - I'm sure you, more than anyone, can understand this, with the uncertainty we have lived with, and the ever-changing restrictions we have adjusted to with each new COVID-19 variant coming forth and making a name for itself.

You would think I would have learned from planning ahead only to cancel due to the ever-changing circumstances that are part and parcel with COVID, but clearly I haven't - my inbox filled with reservation confirmations will tell you that. But trust me when I say, I have reason. I do, really. I'm just scared. Most of us have learned to live in the moment after seeing 2 years of cancelled plans, prolonged restrictions, and dare I say, unprecedented times...I, on the other hand, can't leave it up to faith, or spontaneity. It's been two years of cancellations, rescheduling, circling back, and I can't simply leave it up to faith to ensure I have a dinner reservation on my birthday. Yes, this is about my birthday. As fickle as it may sound, the embarrassing count of reservations you all are seeing are just for my birthday. 24 isn't particularly a special year, but it very well might be if I'm able to celebrate by dining at my favorite restaurant as the clock strikes 12, a glass of wine in hand, my friends and family seated besides me on the same table...and hopefully something loud, retro and upbeat playing to cover up any "Happy Birthday" that might be sung...

This is what I have been looking forward to for two years, and I'm suddenly overcome with this need for perfection to compensate for every missed occasion. It's terrifying that this dinner, this celebratory birthday week might become a reality, and you would think after two years I would know exactly what I want to do, where to eat, where to drink, what to wear...And yet here I am unable to decide, mostly because I'm in denial that we are in fact going back to "normal". And for that, forgive me. It's taking some adjustment, some time, along with constant reassurance and just being able to make multiple restaurant reservations to remind me of this.

I do apologize for the whiplash you are seeing on my account, and I won't go as far to promise that this won't continue to happen for the time being - it's going to take some time to relearn how plans were made pre-COVID, and what spontaneity defines.

I thank you, and every restaurant I have been to and made a reservation at, for allowing me to do so. Dining out has been one of the few joys we have had during the past two years, and I have utmost respect, love, and gratitude to this industry, and everyone in it. The perfect reservation actually doesn't really matter - just being at any of my favorite restaurants with my loved ones, on any day, at any time, is special to me. Just a bit more special on my birthday when there's cake involved...I'm only joking. It depends on the cake, and that's an entirely separate issue to be discussed.

I'm rambling at this point, and while this wasn't quite the love letter I had hoped to write at 5 AM on a Saturday morning, this was needed to be said, as even I was feeling embarrassed by the confirmations and cancellations flooding my inbox.

Please don't blacklist me as an account. If it's any consolation, I never cancel last-minute and always fill out your review forms the next morning - a stretch I know but can't blame me for trying over here.

- Anya